


Manic (maybe just in my head)

by Ethereal_Elysian



Category: NCT (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Kim Taehyung | V, Delusions, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Doctor Kyungsoo, Eating Disorders, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff and Smut, Homeless Jungkook, Hospital Sex, Humor, Kim Taehyung | V & Park Jimin Are Roommates, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Restaurant Owner Kim Seokjin | Jin, Schizophrenia, Schizophrenic Kim Taehyung, Soft Park Jimin (BTS), Strangers to Lovers, Top Jeon Jungkook, Yeontan, but its briefly mentioned, everyone loves him, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-09-30 02:53:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17215649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ethereal_Elysian/pseuds/Ethereal_Elysian
Summary: It was only a year ago when 21 year old Taehyung got diagnosed with schizophrenia, and probably isn’t going to cure from it. It was only a year ago when his parents, classmates and teachers found out when he was having a schizophrenic episode. It was only a year ago since he had been admitted into a psych ward. Today was that day. It was his one year anniversary in a psych ward, and he was close to getting out, at least, that’s what he believed. He knew he was close, he could basically see it, see the gates opening for him, calling his name to run, and he always did, he ran like his life depended on it, bare feet, in a hospital gown, only to be slapped back into reality when he’d run against the wooden door, falling with a loud smack on the ground, struggling to remain conscious. He knew it would leave a nasty bruise on top of many others, but he didn’t even feel the pain, it didn’t call his name like the voices did, like they always did.





	1. Freedom (or maybe not)

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea originally came from my psychiatrist, he told me to write down my experiences, and well, I tried. It's far from perfect and im still learning but I hope its something worth reading.

It was only a year ago when 21 year old Taehyung got diagnosed with schizophrenia, and probably isn’t going to cure from it. It was only a year ago when his parents, classmates and teachers found out when he was having a schizophrenic episode. It was only a year ago since he had been admitted into a psych ward. Today was that day. It was his one year anniversary in a psych ward, and he was close to getting out, at least, that’s what he believed. He knew he was close, he could basically see it, see the gates opening for him, calling his name to run, and he always did, he ran like his life depended on it, bare feet, in a hospital gown, only to be slapped back into reality when he’d run against the wooden door, falling with a loud smack on the ground, struggling to remain conscious. He knew it would leave a nasty bruise on top of many others, but he didn’t even feel the pain, it didn’t call his name like the voices did, like they always did.

  
Nobody knew where it went wrong, his parents didn’t know, his doctors didn’t know, it all came so sudden, it didn’t begin like he sometimes heard or saw stuff before it progressed into something worse, it wasn’t like he knew something was wrong with him. It just happened in a finger snap, one day, Kim Taehyung was known as a top student, head of the debate, chess and art club, always got straight A’s and was everyone’s friend. The other day he was having a schizophrenic episode in the middle of the Uni’s hallway where he strongly believed everyone wanted to kill him, the 5 voices were screaming inside his head to jump out of the window, to escape the monsters who wanted to kill him. He did though, jumping out of the window, and he nearly died from doing that. Taehyung still believes that his life should’ve stopped then, at that very moment, since everything after that day, went downhill. He was per directly admitted into a psych ward, had to stop believing that he couldn’t walk to school, or go to his favourite coffee shop. He had to believe he’s stuck here, he HAD to believe so many things, yet he didn’t. He was pretty much convinced he walked to school every day, or that he got his coffee at the café, that’s what the voices told him, that was what he believed.

 

Now he was laying on his bed, ice pack pressed against the heavily bruised temple, cheek and jaw. It was quiet in his head, too quiet for Taehyungs liking. His roommate was probably out in the communal living room, the only roommate he hasn’t attacked yet. The voices never reacted to his roommate Jungwoo and Taehyung doesn’t know why, maybe it were the motherly vibes that radiated off of him and always took care of Taehyung or the fact that Jungwoo always showed his love.  
  
  
_Take that ice pack off, it’s poisoned  
  
  
They are trying to kill you Taehyung  
  
  
Take it off  
  
  
Destroy it  
  
  
__Rip it apart Taehyung  
  
  
__Do it  
  
  
_Frustration build up inside him as he grabbed the ice pack angrily with his hands and tried to rip it apart, his nails digging into the plastic with so much force that his knuckles turned white. A growl and strangled scream escaped his mouth when he couldn’t tear the piece of plastic apart.  
He was angry. Until…  
  
  
_Taehyungie…_  
  
  
A soft voice said, a voice he hadn’t heard before inside his head. Taehyung paused his ministrations and waited for the voice to speak up again.  


_You’re so funny looking like this hyungie_  
  
  
The same voice said followed by a small giggle. 

  
“Tae!” Someone yelled and Taehyung was snapped back into reality. He looked at the ice pack which was basically deflated of all its water that now soaked his clothing.  
“You keep breaking the ice packs.” His roommate said with a sigh and grabbed the leaking ice pack out of my hands before speaking up again.  
“It’s almost dinner time, you know. And also, this new dude got admitted today in our department called Winwin, isn’t that a weird name? Winwin? Like what is he trying to win? Or WHO is he trying to win? My grandma? Oh, no, I don’t hope it’s my grandma. Taehyungie, what if he gets my grandma? Will she die? She’ll die, right? I know she’s going to die but maybe…”  
Taehyung spaced out again, ignoring his roommate’s delusional behaviour as he looked at the water stain on his pants.  
  
  
_You look really stupid right know_

_Disgusting_

_Gross_

_How could you let this happen?_

_Just look at your pathetic ass_

_It looks like you peed yourself hyungie_  
  
  
The sixth voice… it was there again… am I getting worse? More voices are worse, right? Wait, no, that’s not even a question, it is worse, it’s so much worse.  
  
“…And so I asked him, Cheeto’s or Pringles? And you know what he answered? He said Pringles Tae! Pringles! Like how am I supposed to live with a dude that likes Pringles?” Jungwoo rambled and looked at my direction for an answer.  
“You can’t.” Taehyung said as he saw Jungwoo’s mouth opening again, preparing himself for the continuation of Jungwoo’s chatter.  
“Exactly Tae! And you know what, I’m gonna tell him that, I will personally go up to him and tell him that I can’t live with him. He gotta leave Tae, what if he eats Pringles right in front of my eyes? He’s probably not that sick, no he isn’t. I know for a fact that he isn’t. He’s acting, I’m sure of it, it can’t be that he’s sick, I know it, I’m sure of it, he’s not sick at all, he’s not sick, h-he’s not sick, h-he’s n-not sick, h-he i-is n-n-not s-si-ick a-at all…”

“Jungwoo…” Taehyung tried as he strokes Jungwoo’s hair back. The boy was shaking, eyes wide open as he stuttered out incoherent words.

Taehyung looked at the boy and pressed his head against his chest, grabbing his hand in the process as Taehyung starts humming a lullaby, rocking them from side to side until Jungwoo had calmed down. The boy falling asleep in the process. Taehyung carefully laid him down on his bed and pulled the covers over Jungwoo’s sleeping figure.  
  
A single knock was on the door, signalling that it was dinner time. I glanced at Jungwoo before leaving the room, closing the door as silent as I could since the boy was a very light and sensitive sleeper. Taehyung walked or actually more trying to drag his feet into the direction of the small room he always ate in, passing by the huge dining room where patients were allowed to eat when they are able to interact with other patients without attacking the person, something Taehyung couldn’t. That’s why he’s eating in a separate room, most of the time with his roommate who swore on his life that he will always stay with Taehyung. But now when Taehyung walked into the small 2-person room where he’d normally eat, there was a boy sitting there, someone he’d never seen before. The boy looked up and Taehyung could see his dark eye bags from the entrance.  
  
  
_Leave Taehyung_

_Leave the room_

_He’s danger_

_You shouldn’t be here_

_He’ll kill you Taehyung_

_Be prepared hyungie, he hates you_  
  


“Who are you?” Taehyung said as he hid behind the door.  
“Taehyung this is our new patient Winwin, he’s no harm so don’t worry, he will be your new eating buddy.” The nurse said who walked passed me with some plates of food.  
“B-but Jungwoo…” Taehyung stuttered as he tightened his grip on the doorknob.

“He’s transferred to the big dining hall, because you don’t interact with anyone but him.” The nurse said as she started to fill small cups with various pills.

“Come on Taehyung.” She said as I still stared at Winwin’s face. Jungwoo was right, Winwin is such a weird name.

“Your name is dumb.” Taehyung said as Winwin looked back at him.

“Taehyung manners.” The nurse said before finishing up the pills.  
“You’re getting 2 more pills Taehyung, but I guess you figured by the adventure you had today.” She continued before walking past him out of the room. Taehyung hesitantly walked towards his seat gripping the wood before shoving it backwards, making room for himself to sit down.  
“The food is great here.” The Winwin person said.  
“No it’s not.”

“W-well, I think it is.” Winwin continued.

 

_He’s danger Taehyung_

_Get out_

_He doesn’t want you near him_

_He hates your guts_

_Get out of the room_

_He will kill you hyungie_

Taehyung hated the voices, one by one. Sometimes he just had the urge to knock himself out unconscious just so he doesn’t have to deal with those terrible voices who lived inside his head. He looked up from his plate to the wall and saw his sister standing there. Taehyung let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, relieved and calmed by her presence. She’d smile at him and nod to his plate, urging him to eat.  
“What are you smiling about?” Winwin suddenly asked.  
“What are you here for?” Taehyung said avoiding the question as he poked around the vegetable on his plate.

“Eating disorder and depression, you?”  
“They say I’m schizophrenic but I’m pretty sure I’m not.” Taehyung answered as he finally ate a carrot.  
“Oh.” The Winwin dude said.

“Must be hard then.” He continued as he made faces in the sauce on his plate. The room stayed silent after that, Taehyung slowly losing his mind because Jungwoo would normally nonstop talk to distract Taehyung from the voices. Taehyung rubbed his hands all over his face, trying to rub the voices out of himself. Not even feeling the pain of his huge bruise in the right side of his face.  
  
“How’d you get that?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, your whole right side is bruised and swollen.” Winwin said.

“Can’t remember.” Taehyung said before grabbing the pills and swallowing them dry.

“You do that without anything to drink?” Winwin asked.

“I’ve been here over a year, I’m used to it by now.” Taehyung answered before grabbing his plate and now empty cup which were both paper just so you can’t hurt yourself and others.

“Bye then… I guess…” Winwin said before Taehyung left the small space and disposed the cup and plate, walking back to his room.  
  
“Tae, doctor Park would like to see you.” Jungwoo said who was reading a book under his blanket, something he always did.  
“Park?” I asked while furrowing my eyebrows.  
“Yup.”  
Why would Park want to see me? Taehyung wondered as he grabbed his robe which had dozens of holes in them. He padded bare foot across the long hallway down stairs to Park his office and softly knocked on the huge door before a ‘come in’ was heard from the other side.  
“Ah Taehyung, your visits are always so delightful, have a seat.” Park said with a smile but Taehyung made no move to sit down.  
“Why am I here?” Taehyung asked as he still stood at the entrance.  
“It’s your one year anniversary today Taehyung.” Park said as he sat behind his desk.

“And you barely make any progress.” There it is, Taehyung thought as he rolled his eyes and folded his arms together.

“You were brought in by your parents because they want you to become better.” Park said but Taehyung knew better. “My parents hate me.”  
“Your parents don’t hate you Taehyung, they are concerned.”  
  
 _He's trying to fool you Taehyung  
_  
“I don’t believe you.” Taehyung said pretty determined, no hint of emotion in his eyes.  
“What I am trying to say here, is that we can’t treat you anymore, you’re simply out of our reach, your condition is way worse than we all thought.”  
“So what do you want to do? Dump me on the streets?”  
  
“We’d like to send you to a better secured psychiatric hospital.” Park said, folding his hands together. “This was your plan all along, isn’t it?”  
“Taehyung please, you know that’s not the case.” frustration laced into Park his voice before Taehyung continued.“It is though, I’m pretty sure it is.”  
“Taehyung…” Doctor Park rubbed his face in annoyance as he looked at something at his computer.“You’re getting transferred to McLean next week.” Doctor Park continued.  
“What?” Taehyung asked in disbelief.“That’s in the USA, I can’t go there.”  
“We don’t have another choice Taehyung, we are already the most prestigious mental hospital in Korea, the next step will be the USA.” Doctor Park said but Taehyung wasn’t convinced and started to pick the loose threads on his robe.  
  
“Taehyung your English is perfect if not fluent, plus there are also some Korean patients which I think you’ll get along with just fine.”  
  
“ _I hope you die.”  
_  
“What did you just say?!” Taehyung yelled out angry.  
“That there are also some Korean patients Taehyung…” Doctor park said while creating more distance between them.  
  
“ _Die Taehyung.”  
_  
“There! You said it again!” Taehyung pointed at the doctor and walked towards him.  
“I dare you to say it again.” Taehyung said with a growl while grabbing Park his collar.  
  
“ _I want you to die.”_  
  
“You son of a bitch!” Taehyung yelled as he clawed at Park his face with his nails, but he was too slow, a small needle punctured through his upper arm before Taehyungs eyes rolled back into his head and fell unconscious on the ground.


	2. Be Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just want to be alive while I'm here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a new chapter! :)

“Is he my new roomie?” A voice said oh so bubbly.  
“Yes Jimin he is your new roomie.” A deeper voice said as Taehyung tried to open his eyes, but without any luck.  
“So he is from Korea too? That’s so cool.” The bubbly voice said and Taehyung really wished everyone could be quiet for a second. Where on earth was he? Why was this dude talking about being his new roommate? Taehyung has Jungwoo, his one and only roommate. “Jimin, can you stay with Taehyung for me for a minute? I must pick up some files.”  
“Of course hyungie, Jimini is a good boy.”   
“Just like you always are.” The deeper voice said before shutting the door.

“Taehyungie…” The voice sung as he felt his cheeks pinched. Taehyung abruptly shot up, suddenly wide awake and grabbed the boy’s wrist tightly. A little squeak left the boy his mouth as he scooted away from him, yanking his wrist out of Taehyung’s hold.

“S-scary…” The boy said who certainly didn’t look older than 20 years old, maybe the boy could even pass as a 16-year-old. The door opened and a doctor appeared with a friendly smile on his face.   
“I see you have woken up, you must be very hungry.” The doctor said and Taehyung could only softly nod his head.

“That’s great.” The doctor said where Jimin was now hiding behind.   
“Oh how rude of me, let me introduce myself, my name is Do Kyungsoo and I’ll be your doctor and psychiatrist here.” The guy said as he stretched his hand out. Taehyung looked suspiciously at the out stretched hand, alarm bells going off inside his head when he reached out for his hand to shake. His brows furrowing in the process of such a rare event happening, back in Korea nobody initiated a hand shake, everybody was always told to stay away from him because he was dangerous. His fingers touched the other man’s hand, which were very soft against his rough ones. 

“Very nice to meet you Taehyung.” Kyungsoo said with the same smile while shaking my hand.   
“This is Jimin, your new roommate.” The doctor said while gently taking Jimin’s chubby hand into his, softly pulling Jimin to his side. 

“Mister Park told us you were very close to Jungwoo there, so we tried to find a person who is just as loving, which is Jimin here.” “I-I’m, Ji-Jimin.” The small boy stuttered while looking down. Taehyung just looked at the younger boy, not knowing what to say. 

“Okay, Taehyung, on the wall are a list of rules you will need to follow while you’re here and your schedule is on the desk right there.” Kyungsoo said, still with that darn friendly smile. Taehyung looked around him, not really having noticed how the room looked like. It reminded him of his dorm he had when he went to Uni, a bed on either side of the room, an open closet, two small desks located at the window. It was already so much better than his room back in Seoul, where there were only two iron beds next to each other.

“I’ll let you settle in for now, Jimin will show you around, right Jimin?” The doctor asked the small boy who was still holding the doctors hand. Jimin nodded softly before he looked up at the doctor with twinkling eyes. “Ch-chocolate?” he asked and the doctor let out a small laugh. “Of course, Jimin, good boys get rewarded, right?” He said and Jimin nodded his head more enthusiastically. “You can only get one when you’re finished, okay Jimin?” The boy nodded his head once again before looking in Taehyungs direction. “C-Come T-Taehyungie, I-I s-show y-you.” The boy stuttered before walking out of their room. The doctor gave him a small nod before Taehyung followed the orange-head. 

The boy walked with a skip in his step humming a lullaby as he made his way to an open space. “H-Here is o-our p-play area, w-where I p-play with h-hyungie’s, y-you also w-wanna p-play w-with me?” Jimin asked as he looked expectantly to Taehyung, his eyes only showing pure innocence. “I’ll pass.” Taehyung responded, looking in a different direction. “T-that’s f-fine! W-we c-could play s-somewhere e-else!” The small boy said with a smile before skipping further down the hallway. Taehyung sighed before following him, totally not in the mood for this. 

Taehyung sighed again, looking at other different rooms, it had been very quiet in his head till now, no whispers, no things he saw, no delusions, Taehyung wasn’t used to this silence, not at all, he also didn’t find it remotely calming, constantly alert for maybe seeing or hearing things, it was draining him, although he did just wake up from a deep sleep and doesn’t even know how he got to the USA, which was kind of strange, did he sleep the whole entire ti- “Hyungie!” Jimin yelled suddenly which caused Taehyung to snap out of his thoughts, looking at the small boy running towards a pretty tall guy. “Oh, if it isn’t my favourite person!” The guy smiled widely, opening his arms as Jimin ran towards him, jumping into the guy’s arms as he wrapped his legs around his waist. The guy spun him around as they both laughed. 

_Fan-fucking-tastic_

Taehyung thought as he leaned against the wall, waiting for the two to finally separate. “You must be Taehyung.” The guy said as Taehyung only gave him a small nod. “Oh, that’s great! Welcome to McLean, my name is Park Chanyeol, I am a nurse here.” He continued as he gave me a toothy smile and also outstretched his hand to me. I hesitantly shook it, still not comprehending the whole situation. “It’s so nice to meet you Taehyung.” He said, still carrying Jimin in his arms, who is now trying to climb his way over to the giants back. “Y-Yeollie, y-you g-gotta c-come with u-us!” Jimin said as he played with Chanyeol’s hair. “Maybe another time Chim, I have to help people.” Chanyeol said hoping the boy would give up, but alas Jimin had another plan. “B-but y-you g-gotta h-he-help me!” the small boy said with slight frustration in his tone. “And why is that Mini.” The guy responded as he remained perfectly calm. “B-because…” the boy furrowed his eyebrows not knowing what to say. “B-because… I-I can’t w-walk!” Jimin tried as he looked at Chanyeol hopeful, it was only a second away where the giant would give in, but his beeper went off. The giant almost dropping the small boy in the process of hurrying. “I’m sorry Chim, but I really have to go now.” Chanyeol said and ran away before Jimin could say anything. “Y-Yeollie i-is b-being a m-meanie T-Tae!” Jimin said while pointing at the direction the giant went to. “He’s just doing his job.” Taehyung responded before walking further. “B-But h-he left m-me Tae!” he whined but Taehyung just shrugged before going down the stairs.

 As they passed some floors before reaching the entrance, everyone seemed to know Jimin, it was all smiles and having fun, as Taehyung really debated if he was in a psychiatric hospital or just a huge (friendly) house. Nothing seemed to add up, a lot of people introduced themselves to Taehyung with weak promises to hang out one time. It was weird, nothing like Taehyung is used to. The hospital had much more than Taehyung would’ve ever thought, for example a gym, a pool area, a classroom and a music room (which only had a piano in it). Every room is supervised by 4 different people: a nurse, a psychiatrist, a teacher and a doctor.

 “…A-And as l-last, h-here is a l-lecture hall where p-professors from d-different u-universities g-give classes, b-but o-only the s-smart people a-are a-allowed to f-follow them.” Jimin said as he sat down on a seat. “I-It’s my d-dream to f-follow a c-class here hyungie.” Jimin said as he kicked his feet back and forth. “B-But I-I don’t t-think I’ll e-ever be a-able to.” He continued as he looked down at his feet, a frown noticeable on his face. “Being smart isn’t as fun as it may seem.” Taehyung said, taking a seat next to the small boy. “B-But knowledge is power.” Jimin said looking at Taehyung now. “But knowledge doesn’t have much to do with smartness. Knowledge can be in crystals, sports, knitting, painting or drawing. Knowledge is so broad it can literally be anything in any way. I’m pretty sure you have a lot of knowledge Jimin.” He said while looking at the wooden architecture. 

“Y-you are r-right h-hyungie.” Jimin said before standing up. “I-I t-think hyunie i-is smart!” He said with a wide smile tugging at Tae’s hand to follow him. Truth be told, Taehyung quite liked it here, of course he missed his roommate Jungwoo, but this place felt more home-y to him and not a constant reminder that he’s in a psych ward. “Jimin?” Taehyung asked as the small boy turned around. “Y-yes, hyungie?” He said with excitement in his voice. “What are the rules here?”

“O-oh! I-I can t-tell y-you that!” Jimin squealed before starting to ramble, or at least something that looked like it. “Rule number 1, you are not allowed to ask any patient here which illness they have, only if they want to tell you.” He started off, thrusting his chubby and small index finger towards Taehyungs direction. “Number 2, you must attend the morning and night walks.” He said, now also putting up his chubby middle finger up. “Number 3, you must also attend the 3 scheduled eating times. Number 4, you should treat every patient with respect, like any other normal human being. Num….” Taehyung's mind spaced out after hearing the word normal. 

It brought him back to all the times his mother or father would say that to him, _“Taehyung, act like a normal human being” or “Taehyung, be normal”._ His mind was slowly starting to race, faint voices were yelling things that he couldn’t hear or understand. His hands gripped his hair, pulling at his strands hard. He couldn’t think straight, just wanted this buzz in his head gone. A scream escaped his mouth, so desperate to tear the thoughts away, so desperate to wanting everything to be gone. In the haze of his mind, he heard something, the word he is oh so familiar with.

_RUN_

And so Taehyung did, he needed to get away from this place, t-they were trying to kill him, he knew it was their plan all along, it had to be their plan. His feet took him to the huge entrance hall, light shining through the windows surrounding it, the doors opening for him, his sister standing there leaning against a blossom tree, laughing at something mom said, he was free, he knew he was. A smile started to form on his face. “M-mom! N-Narae! I’m here!” Taehyung yelled. His mom and sister looking up, waving at him, gesturing him to come, yelling his name. His feet ran faster and faster, maybe faster than he ever did.

\-----

Kyungsoo was just examining a patient when he heard a scream from down the hall. The patient looking at him in horror. Not a second later Jimin barged into his office, tears streaming down his face. “H-H-Hyu..” the boy stuttered, almost falling over. “Jimin it’s okay, I’m here.” Kyungsoo said gathering the boy in his arms, pressing Jimin’s head against his chest. He rummaged through his doctor’s jacket trying to find his beeper, contacting Chanyeol and Junmyeon in an instant. Unfortunately, it was already too late, a loud _BANG_ erupting from the hallway. “Shit.” Kyungsoo muttered under his breath, only now hearing the footsteps of Chanyeol and Junmyeon.

“Jimin, can you stay here for me?” the doctor asked the whimpering boy, a small nod following before Kyungsoo let him go and ran towards the hallway. Multiple patients gathering around the new one. Weaving through them to get to Taehyung, the boy lying unconscious on the ground, blood covering his entire face.

_Poor boy_

Kyungsoo thought before helping Chanyeol and Junmyeon getting him to his room, checking for other injuries. “This is so sad.” Chanyeol said, trying to take steady breaths while wrapping a bandage around the head of the still knocked out patient. “This never happened before Soo.” He continued. “I know Yeol. He’s an extreme case.” The doctor said, sighing, grabbing the Aripiprazole,injecting it in the patient’s upper arm. “We need to do these twice a day.” Kyungsoo said, helping to place a bandage over the tiny penetration in the boys arm. “Twice a day?!” Junmyeon whisper-shouted. “Doc, these meds are supposed to be given monthly, we can’t just inject them twice a day.”

“I gave him a shot this same morning and they wore out in less than 12 hours, so yes, he needs to have them twice a day.” Kyungsoo said sternly, ending the topic with that. They worked in silence after that, cleaning the dried-up blood off of Taehyung's face. “He’s still so young.” Chanyeol suddenly said in a small voice. “He’s 21 right?” Junmyeon asked before Kyungsoo hummed approvingly. “And smart too, I read in his file his IQ is 151 and studied at Yonsei university before he got admitted” Soo said. “Then he’s one of the rare ones.” Chanyeol said while softly stroking a couple pieces of hair to the side. “We should keep an extra close eye to him, this cannot happen again.” Kyungsoo said, standing up in the process. “I agree, it’s not only traumatizing for Taehyung himself but also for the other patients.” Junmyeon said. 

“Speaking of, Yeol, can you check up on Jimin? the poor boy was devastated when he barged inside.” “Yes of course.” Chanyeol said before leaving the room. “Jun, can you stay with Taehyung until he wakes up? I don’t like the thought of him being alone at the moment.” “I will, but doc, what about the afternoon walk? I was on supervision for today.” Jun said. “And you are, take Taehyung with you, I think the boy needs some fresh air, I heard from his psychiatric hospital in Korea didn’t even allow him outside, he hasn’t seen the daylights in forever, it will do him good.” Kyungsoo explained before also leaving the room, walking back to his office, noticing the patient had left who he was talking to earlier. 

He let out a breath he didn’t know was holding, rubbing his face letting himself fall back in the chair.

_This was going to be a hell of a ride_

  



	3. Sunset

Though the thought about ending it all sometimes creeped through Taehyung his head, the voices would always tell him not to, which was positive… kinda…right? It didn’t stop him from self-harming himself, the voices supported him in that, besides that, it always simultaneously gave him a thrill, the knife in his hand, which he can do things with only his hands allow. The thrive in his heartbeat when he would drag the tip of the knife across his skin, making white drawings. It was beautiful to him, as if it was a form of art. He would always suddenly let the tip pierce through his skin slowly, never fast, you wouldn’t create a painting in just a minute, right? No, it takes time to establish a work of art.   
  
But now, sitting in a wooden chair in the communal area with a plastic children’s knife in his hand, he couldn’t do much, the most the piece of plastic did was blanching his skin, leaving white traces on his arm which also quickly disappeared. He sighed, waiting till this damn walk could start, craving fresh air.   
  
It’s been such a long time since he has been outside, and he wasn’t gonna lie, the outside world nowadays scared the crap out of him, he is so used to people fearing him, he started to become scared of other human beings as well, it seemed only fair to him that way.   
  
He looked down at his shoes, not completely remembering since it was the last time he wore them. He only knew it was a long time ago because of the ‘Go Yonsei!’ written on it in blue ink. Sometimes he tried to think back to the days before he basically went crazy (although the doctors wouldn’t allow him to call himself that) and would always smile at the carefree life he had once before, how outgoing he was, how he was everyone’s friends, how much he loved nature and enjoyed the different extracurriculars. It was perfect. Okay maybe he sometimes dwells in it a little too much, but who could blame him? He just longed back to the life he had before, and sometimes would talk himself into that he’s dreaming, which is still a high possibility in his opinion.   
  
“Taehyungie…” a voice sing-songed, and he already knew who it was from, it was none other than Park Jimin. “We can finally walk! There was this patient who-” And Taehyung tuned out again, he stood up and zipped his coat, following some other patients to the entrance of the building. Jimin, who hasn’t left his side at all after the incident, was now clutching Taehyungs upper arm like his life depended on it, still talking about useless things.   
  
The front door opened, the sunset radiating pinks, oranges, purples and reds into the hall. It was absolutely beautiful, astonishing, really. Taehyungs eyes widened at that, his mouth making an ‘o’ shape, his pale skin now suddenly feels alive, his toes wiggling in his shoes in temptation, it felt amazing. “Could you move, jeez.” A girl’s voice suddenly said and moved past him, bumping shoulders rather aggressively. “Don’t worry about her Tae, its nothing personally, she’s just on her period the whole year through.” Jimin said gently tugging Taehyung outside to follow the group.   
  
The front lawn of the building was so pretty, almost ethereal to him, or maybe it was also the sunset reflecting its colours in the pond, ducks and their ducklings swimming around. The paths made of white, brown, blue-ish pebbles, large trees stretching into the sky, beautiful flower patches here and there and neatly trimmed grass surrounding it all. Taehyung inhaled the fresh flowery air, filling his lungs to the brim. It felt perfect. The pebbles cracked under his shoes almost aesthetically as they walked towards the entrance, blood red roses climbing and stretching over the white main gate. Jimin tugged him forward,the gates opening, the outside world coming into his view, something he hasn’t seen in what feels like forever.   
  
His feet moved themselves forward, following the patients who silently talked to each other. They first passed the parking lot before following a sidewalk, walking past townhouses, god how he missed the reality, which is of course a funny word to him. He thought most things he saw was real. How his imagination would portray different versions of the outside world in his mind. Maybe there was war, maybe the humans were abducted by aliens, maybe the whole world was in quarantine. He could only envision it, never knew if it was true. But now, he’s standing on a worn out side walk, cigarettes stomped into the tiles, lost gum pieces sticking to the ground and it all seemed beautiful to him, it felt so…. Normal yet so odd.   
  
They walked past a small park, children playing in their school uniforms while their parents sat on benches, smiling and talking to each other. It took Taehyung back to his college days, he would always study at a park near the university, also watching kids play happily, wanting to have children happy just like them. But now the thought of having kids and getting married was something he’d think would never achieve. Falling in love seemed foreign to him, hell he was even still a virgin, which he by the way, was very much ashamed off.   
  
Taehyung was so lost in thought he almost didn’t see the iron lantern post he was about to walk into, but a strong push brought him back to reality, his feet trying to get a grip on the ground, which only made him trip over his own legs, face planting right into the cold pavement. “O-Oh Taehyungie, I-I didn’t m-mean to push t-that hard.” Jimin said worriedly, but Taehyungs focus was somewhere else, or rather, someone else. A guy laid on the ground maybe 10 centimetres away from Taehyungs now cold fingertips. His eyes closed, eyelashes resting on his cheeks, lips in a pout, hair dishevelled, holes in his black t-shirt which seemed way too cold for this time of the year, the guy shivering in his sleep, curling himself into a tiny ball.   
  
“Taehyung get away from him.” A voice said behind him, a hand resting on his shoulder, tugging his softly backwards. “Is he sleeping? Taehyung asked, eyebrows furrowing. “He is, which why it is very important to not wake him up.” The voice said, only now recognizing it as Junmyeons. Taehyung looked at the guy which was probably around his age, on the ground for a few more seconds before standing up. Glancing one last time at the boy before walking further.  
  
\-----

  
To say Taehyung was restless, was an understatement. Pacing around into his room with an oblivious Jimin who watched his every single move was frustrating. Taehyung would see the homeless sleeping boy laying on his floor, his spinal cord visible through his thin black tshirt, probably due to malnutrition. The boy looked so real laying there, just like every imaginary thing Taehyung ever saw. So real but not yet real enough to touch him, to feel his skin under Taehyung his fingertips, to trace the many scars that Taehyung noticed by just giving him one look. Taehyung’s brain worked like haywire, his medication started to wear off, which made him feel like his mind was floating, like he wasn’t there on earth.   
  
Suddenly he stood still, not daring to move or even to breathe. It all made sense to him, his behaviour, the homeless boy, this stupid psych ward. He _wasn’t_ being delusional, he was being manipulated and hypnotized. He slowly took one step backwards, hands held up in de air. “T-Taehyungie, I-I think t-that…” Jimin softly said with his honey like voice, but not daring to finish his sentence. “Be quiet Jimin, I think… I think I figured it out.” Taehyung whispered, looking around him, his hands now making wave signals, trying to get out of this manipulation and hypnotization. A knock was heard on the door. Taehyung his eyes shot up, ready to fight the person who was standing on the other side of the door. His hands shaking of adrenaline, his breath uneven. The door opened and Taehyung ran for his life, attacking the person. But he was too slow, his hands already being held together by the person.   
  
_They are gonna kill you now Taehyung_

_You fucked up, like you always do, no wonder you’re a failure_

_Life isn’t for you Taehyung, it’s over now_

_I wish you could see yourself now, so pathetic_

The voices were there again. His mind wasn’t comprehending anything. It felt like he was standing in the middle of a highway, everything bypassed him with a great speed, not hearing the outside world, not seeing the outside world. Was he really going to die like this? Is this what dying felt like?   
  
He didn’t notice that he was being picked up and laid down onto his bed, he didn’t notice Jimin who held his hand, he didn’t notice the 2 doctors yelling things to each other, he didn’t notice the needle piercing through his skin. He did, however, notice the liquid that was being pumped into him, making him snap back to reality. The breathable air hit him like a truck, suddenly not having enough oxygen to catch. “Yeol, I think he’s starting to hyperventilate.” Kyungsoo said, pulling Taehyung gently in an upwards position. “Taehyung, can you hear me?” the doctor asked, softly holding Taehyung his shoulders. Taehyung could only give him a small nod, breathing faster second by second. “I want you to breathe with me, can you do that for me?” he asked, looking at Taehyung with a gentle look in his eyes. Could Taehyung do that? Could he?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter :(


End file.
